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Please speak Human!

<rant on>

A plea to marketers everywhere:

Humans distinguish themselves by their ability to speak and communicate verbally with each other. Please, please, please stop squandering that gift by spewing out inane pointless drivel that means absolutely nothing, just because it fills the pages and sounds impressive. What is the point in asking idiotic questions, which can only ever be answered in one way?

Here is a random sample of phrases & questions that I’ve collected just this week. Names withheld to protect the guilty…

  • Optimise businesses with enhanced business insight from business relevant information
    [What? You mean read the newspaper?]
  • Are the right people involved in the decision-making process in your organisation to foster performance and responsiveness?
    [No, we just pick random people off the street]
  • Are there organisational initiatives that are driving you to become more efficient, improve quality, decrease customer churn, or increase profits?
    [No, our organisation has suicidal tendencies and prints its own money]
  • Do you systematically extract intelligence from your emails?
    [No, we don’t read them, we use them for wallpapering the office walls]

And I would challenge anyone to explain to me what this is about:

  • An information-packed session to get the inside track on maintaining focus and clear leadership in an age of rapid technological change, including some unique insights into the impact that continued convergence will have on your business, your customers and your staff…
    [Huh?? Come again?]

Please, I beg! Life is too short…

<rant off>

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Categories: marketing Tags: ,
  1. July 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Congratulations! Finally, someone who is able to convey a meaning using ONLY the necessary words. In English it is called “verbal parsimony”.

    • parapadakis
      July 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

      You mean, using Occam’s razor to cut some of the marketing waffle? 😉

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